Farm fresh family

These beautiful, brown, cage free, farm fresh, hand pencil dated eggs are amazing!(I'm gonna try and post the picture, Im not very techie so we will see)  Catherine, my co-worker and sister (from another mother as she always says) gave these to me.  A man gave them to her.  Last Monday at work at Great Harvest, a man walked in with 2 containers of eggs and a brown bag full of meat from from Stroots.  I assume it is really good meat.  Not from one of those crazy cow farms.  The boys and I got the documentary, Food, Inc. last Saturday  from the library.  WOW WEE!!  That is eye opening.  It shows the practices of big business and what that really looks like. It honestly makes me want to never, ever spend another dollar on fast food or "cheap" stuff.  We as the consumer have all the power but we don't exercise it and we are letting the government control the quality or lack of quality of our food.  I could go on and on but I have been thinking and struggling through some thoughts I have been having about compromise and living out my beliefs and being a part of the solution.  All kinds of thoughts.  In the film they show the chicken houses and the farmers.  The millions of chickens.  The dead chickens! The thousands of workers standing there day after day marking and hanging chickens.  But this is not what I want to focus on.  There is a lot of reliable information out there and I am no reporter, I am not even a "writer".  I am trying to express my heart and share what Jesus is doing in this heart of mine. So this leads to the next movie I watched,
 Gandhi.  I had never watched the movie and really knew very little about his life.  I thought I knew more than I actually did about Muslims and the country of India and Pakistan.  Gandhi started a community called the Phoenix settlement.  It showed a bit about this communal living situation in the movie.  I can't help but wonder where he got the name??  In this community they were given 3 acres of land to live off of.  They grew their own food, raised their animals and it seems as if they made their own clothes from scratch.  In the movie they would show him spinning cloth often.  They were completely self sustaining.  I admit I dream about that!! "This should be your ambition: to live a quiet life, minding your own business and working with your hands, just as we commanded you before.  As a result, people who are not Christians will respect the way you live, and you will not need to depend on others to meet your financial needs." 1 Thessalonians 4:11-12.  I bet I have spent hours upon hours meditating and thinking about this verse.  When I garden in the shire, I pray this and think on it.  I have had the privilege of seeing results from this...from seeing it produce fruit.  My neighbors have watched me work and have hopefully seen how God provides.  One neighbor got to see a new sewer line be put into the shire and hear how the money was provided by my church.   Another  verse that comes to mind when it comes to Gandhi's life story is James 3:17 "But the wisdom that comes from heaven is first of all pure.  It is also peace loving, gentle at all times, and willing to yield to others. It is full of mercy and good deeds." Also James 1:14 "Temptation comes from the lure of our own evil desire."  In the movie they touched on Gandhi's efforts of dealing with temptation.  He abstained from sex with his own wife because he thought it would lead to other fleshly desires.  He also was a strict vegetarian and fasted often.  In my opinion, he was too strict  but he didn't want any "splits" and wanted to be whole hearted!  Which leads me to my point.  I do NOT want to be half-hearted, luke warm, indecisive, uncommitted, split, conflicted or double minded about anything.  I believe in Jesus!  I want to follow Him!  I trust Him!  I love Him!  If that means I need to cleanse my body of toxins and rid my life of chemicals, then I want to do it.  I know that may sound silly but it really isn't.  Sometimes I think it's too "strict" like I thought of Gandhi's life.  There isn't enough time or the words to explain my thought processes.  But I believe God speaks to us and I have been listening.  I will continue to listen and be still and in the mean time I am gonna wash my hair with apple cider vinegar and stop using suave:-)
As I am writing this I am also cooking dinner.  I am cooking rice that Catherine gave me.  Pork chops Catherine gave me(she doesn't eat pork, and I didn't either a few years ago but now I do).  Is that being indecisive, I don't know yet? I don't want to "waver in everything I do".  Again in James 1:5-8 "If you need wisdom- if you want to know what God wants you to do- ASK HIM, be SURE that you really expect Him to answer, for a doubtful mind is as unsettled as a wave of the sea that is driven and tossed by the wind.  People like that should not expect to receive anything from the Lord.  They can't make up their minds.  They waver back and forth in everything they do."  I need wisdom!  I have asked!  I expect!  I do not want to waver in everything.   Also as I write this entry I am preparing to move.  The boys and I have been here in the shire for almost 3 1/2 years now. Listening has led me to leaving the shire.  I am overwhelmed with emotion and thoughts right now so I will stop here.  James 4:13-15 says "Look here, you people who say, "today or tomorrow we are going to a certain town and will stay there a year.....How do you know what will happen tomorrow?  For your life is like the morning fog- it's here a little while, then it's gone.  What you ought to say is, "if the Lord wants us to, we will live and do this or that." So if the Lord wants me to, we will move to Lawrence and do this or that. Expecting wisdom and look forward to sharing with you my friends!!

Redemption & recovery

Sunday at West Ridge Community Church, I had the opportunity to speak a bit about freedom, addiction, hurt and joy with my pastor, Dave Mitchell.  Along with preparing to speak in public comes alot of time for reflection, prayer, preparation and anxiety for me.  It is a huge responsibilty to speak words in public.  To think that people are listening closely to what you are saying and to realize your words can positively or negatively have an impact on their views on addiction, sin, recovery and even Jesus.  So I always prepare with fasting...helps "sober" me up and gets me focused.  After speaking I always come out with a personal lesson learned and growth!!
Shawshank Redemption is a great movie!  I can remember watching it a few years ago and loving it.  But I didn't seem to remember much except  he was in prison but he was innocent and that he dragged himself through alot of really yucky stuff to escape and find his freedom.  Before Christmas when I was looking for presents for the boys I saw the movie on sale for $4.  I bought it for myself and bought Owen a $4 copy of "Blind Side"(that was a good movie, too).  So Saturday night, the eve of my speaking in front of people, some people I was with were talking about the movie Shawshank Redemption.  I believe Gandalf was the one who said that it was on tv and he had watched it.  I wasn't even a part of the conversation but later on my drive home I began thinking about the movie.  And it just clicked!  Andy (the main character) never accepted the fact that he was going to live all of his days in prison.  He never gave up hope!  He knew there was more to life than what was behind the bars.  He had seen and experienced good and I'm sure he questioned how he ended up there and why!Andy carefully thought about how to escape and he used a small tool over the coarse of years to dig his way to freedom.  I honestly didn't think about the analogy too much and really didn't really any details of the movie- it had been years.  Well, I used the analogy Sunday, about how he knew he should be free and he found a way with his tool to escape captivity into freedom.  I wasn't even positive I was gonna say it and I never really know what will come out of my mouth but it came out at the end. 
Yesterday, Monday I was at home alone and decided to watch the movie.  WOW wee....I could break that movie down into lots of symbolic representations.  Like the scene where Andy refers to music keeping him going while in the hole for a whole month.  He said music was in his heart and head....to bad it wasn't a Christian movie and He could have explained to his fellow prisoners about the hope that lies within.  He could have said He had Jesus to keep him company and keep him sane while spending a month alone in a tiny dark room in what looked like a completely hopeless situation.  And about how he had to crawl through 500 feet of other peoples "crap" to get to freedom!  I HATE the word "crap" , hate it but I felt it appropriate there- poop didn't seem to carry the same weight and I considered dung but thought people would relate more to the word "crap".  I won't even let my boys say it and to be honest I don't get why other people say it but whatever:-)   God didn't show up and break him out of prison.  Andy had to spend years and years of his life behind bars.  Maybe if Jesus had shown up in the flesh and released him from prison it may have been a Christian movie but that isn't what happened.  What happened(and I think it is based off of a true story) is he asked for help.  He asked for help in getting a tool he could use.  He used his mind, which God had given him and he went to work.  He did his part and God did His.  There was thunder which provided the noise needed to disguise the sound of him smashing the sewer pipe.  He gave him favor with the guards.  There were more examples and I could go on but it is just representative of what God is currently doing in my life.    He is doing His part!!  I have been digging and working and planning.  He is opening my eyes and at the same time opening my heart! He is in control of the weather and the wind.   He has me in a season of waiting and watching.  Preparing and sowing!  Loving and leading!  If you are reading this, please pray that I will be faithful, hopeful, and full of wisdom and joy!! My reason for all this was to show that we are FREE in Christ!  FREE from addiction, anger, unforgiveness, anxiety, SIN!  We are free by His blood.  We are called to live in that freedom. But the sad part is some of us don't know that and some don't know how to find that free dom.  I said Sunday  that it is work and I want to emphasize that.  Yes, I believe God can instantly take things from us, anger, compulsions, habits and character defects.  I believe that He chooses to do that for some while for others He gives us tools or maybe just a fellow inmate that can get us a tool.  I can't explain His ways...there are not mine.  But I know He is the absolute only hope for real freedom and that Jesus came to set the prisoners free!! And for that reason, I celebrate!!

Sweetness & stones

I haven't shared much publicly lately but I shared with my group last night.....some of this has got to come out!! "If they kept quiet, the stones along the road would burst into cheers!"  Sometimes I feel like bursting:-)
Oh the joy of seeing Gandalf again(the movie one)!  In  the Hobbit we don't get to see Sam or Legolas but I  do in my real life!  For Christmas my Sam gave me "Jesus Today" by Sarah Young and my  Legolas gave me "Jesus calling" by Sarah Young.  Celia the Great (not a character from Lord of the Rings but my own life) gave me "My Utmost for His Highest" almost 14 years ago now and Sam and Legolas both know that I read and am challenged much by it but often contemplate taking a break from it.  The morning of  January 1st as I got ready for my morning reading I considered not commiting to another year of My Utmost- it can be a tough book- but I took out my pen and on the first page where I write down the year I penned "2013".  So here I go into 2013 with Jesus Today, Jesus Calling, My Utmost, Breaking Free Day by Day (by Beth moore given to me by Victoria years ago), Spirit Blessings, and my precious Bible!  I just giggled to myself because I used the word "precious"!!  If you aren't a Lord of the Rings fan then some of this may not make any sense but then again even if you are a fan it may make no sense to you? 
"Keep communicating with me about your situation and be willing to WAIT without PUSHING for immediate resolution.  Those who wait for the Lord will gain new strength" Jesus Today.  I read this last week.  Last week, I tried to PUSH for immediate resolution... I pushed before I read now I'm WAITING and communicating.  I guess I was pushing so much last week because I wasn't working as much and my heart is growing and needs to move where the roots have room to grow and where there is an abundance of sun and water(symbolism).   I am still selling shoes at Cabela's and now I am back at Great Harvest again selling bread I am proud of.  The last time I posted on here I was just beggining training at Cabela's, almost a year ago.  This is not exactly what I had in mind when I went back to school over 3 years ago now to get a degree and a license.  I have continued to go down the pay scale each year not up!   At first I was grateful for the extra time off last week as the boys were out of school and they need their momma(or some kind of referree around).  I saw it as a blessing, a much needed break from the crazy, crazy retail world.  It has been a long month and a half of Christmas music, if thats what they called it and non-stop shoppers.  I didn't realize people shopped all the time!  But then I remembered money and some reality hit!  Trust God I said to myself, you'll be fine, you always are taken care of.  So Saturday Owen and I met with my Gandalf(not the movie one) and his wife, yes he is married (in real life not in the movie).  When Owen and I returned there was an envelope waiting for me with $420 in cash!!!! WOW! Catches me by surprise every time I get money from a "friend".  This Christmas season the boys and I were given money by two different "friends".  I wouldn't be able to live with out my "friends" giving me money at many different times through these last years.  I make $8 an hour selling shoes.  Like I said, not my plan but that is what it is.  I have interviewed and applied for jobs.  I strongly believe that God placed me in the shoe department at Cabela's for a reason.  I won't share the details but they are pretty convincing.  Now it is January and things in the retail and food world slow way down.  Today I am typing this because Tim at Great Harvest didn't need me to work today.  And again tomorrow I will be off from Cabela's as I am down to about 1 to 2 days a week now.  So I find myself asking what do I need to  do Lord? 
" Come to me with positive expectations, knowing that there is no limit to what I can accomplish.   Ask My Spirit to control your mind, so that you can think great thoughts of Me.  Do not be discouraged by the fact that many of your prayers are yet unanswered.  Time is a trainer, teaching you to WAIT upon me, to trust me Me in the dark.  The more extreme your circumstances, the more likely you are to see My Power and Glory at work in your situation.....Keep your eyes and your mind wide open to all that I am doing in your life."  Jesus Calling January 6.  Well, I am praying my circumstances don't get too extreme as there are other things happening in my life that I won't disclose but I have been through extreme and don't really want to do it again!  God has always told  me that if I do my part, He will do His part.  He is faithful.  He is trustworthy.  And He never, ever leaves me so I trust Him.  Meanwhile I pray, look for jobs, talk to people,prepare and  pray some more!  "Eyes wide open" is a new favorite song of mine- the link is on my facebook.  It has Mac from Third Day and Jars of Clay singer- 2 of my favorites.  It is a sweet and challenging song!  I am praying that my eyes would be open and I will not be silent but speak to all who will  listen about how SWEET Jesus is to me!!  LOVE is kind and daring!!  Scary but sweet....LOVE!!