Redemption & recovery

Sunday at West Ridge Community Church, I had the opportunity to speak a bit about freedom, addiction, hurt and joy with my pastor, Dave Mitchell.  Along with preparing to speak in public comes alot of time for reflection, prayer, preparation and anxiety for me.  It is a huge responsibilty to speak words in public.  To think that people are listening closely to what you are saying and to realize your words can positively or negatively have an impact on their views on addiction, sin, recovery and even Jesus.  So I always prepare with fasting...helps "sober" me up and gets me focused.  After speaking I always come out with a personal lesson learned and growth!!
Shawshank Redemption is a great movie!  I can remember watching it a few years ago and loving it.  But I didn't seem to remember much except  he was in prison but he was innocent and that he dragged himself through alot of really yucky stuff to escape and find his freedom.  Before Christmas when I was looking for presents for the boys I saw the movie on sale for $4.  I bought it for myself and bought Owen a $4 copy of "Blind Side"(that was a good movie, too).  So Saturday night, the eve of my speaking in front of people, some people I was with were talking about the movie Shawshank Redemption.  I believe Gandalf was the one who said that it was on tv and he had watched it.  I wasn't even a part of the conversation but later on my drive home I began thinking about the movie.  And it just clicked!  Andy (the main character) never accepted the fact that he was going to live all of his days in prison.  He never gave up hope!  He knew there was more to life than what was behind the bars.  He had seen and experienced good and I'm sure he questioned how he ended up there and why!Andy carefully thought about how to escape and he used a small tool over the coarse of years to dig his way to freedom.  I honestly didn't think about the analogy too much and really didn't really any details of the movie- it had been years.  Well, I used the analogy Sunday, about how he knew he should be free and he found a way with his tool to escape captivity into freedom.  I wasn't even positive I was gonna say it and I never really know what will come out of my mouth but it came out at the end. 
Yesterday, Monday I was at home alone and decided to watch the movie.  WOW wee....I could break that movie down into lots of symbolic representations.  Like the scene where Andy refers to music keeping him going while in the hole for a whole month.  He said music was in his heart and head....to bad it wasn't a Christian movie and He could have explained to his fellow prisoners about the hope that lies within.  He could have said He had Jesus to keep him company and keep him sane while spending a month alone in a tiny dark room in what looked like a completely hopeless situation.  And about how he had to crawl through 500 feet of other peoples "crap" to get to freedom!  I HATE the word "crap" , hate it but I felt it appropriate there- poop didn't seem to carry the same weight and I considered dung but thought people would relate more to the word "crap".  I won't even let my boys say it and to be honest I don't get why other people say it but whatever:-)   God didn't show up and break him out of prison.  Andy had to spend years and years of his life behind bars.  Maybe if Jesus had shown up in the flesh and released him from prison it may have been a Christian movie but that isn't what happened.  What happened(and I think it is based off of a true story) is he asked for help.  He asked for help in getting a tool he could use.  He used his mind, which God had given him and he went to work.  He did his part and God did His.  There was thunder which provided the noise needed to disguise the sound of him smashing the sewer pipe.  He gave him favor with the guards.  There were more examples and I could go on but it is just representative of what God is currently doing in my life.    He is doing His part!!  I have been digging and working and planning.  He is opening my eyes and at the same time opening my heart! He is in control of the weather and the wind.   He has me in a season of waiting and watching.  Preparing and sowing!  Loving and leading!  If you are reading this, please pray that I will be faithful, hopeful, and full of wisdom and joy!! My reason for all this was to show that we are FREE in Christ!  FREE from addiction, anger, unforgiveness, anxiety, SIN!  We are free by His blood.  We are called to live in that freedom. But the sad part is some of us don't know that and some don't know how to find that free dom.  I said Sunday  that it is work and I want to emphasize that.  Yes, I believe God can instantly take things from us, anger, compulsions, habits and character defects.  I believe that He chooses to do that for some while for others He gives us tools or maybe just a fellow inmate that can get us a tool.  I can't explain His ways...there are not mine.  But I know He is the absolute only hope for real freedom and that Jesus came to set the prisoners free!! And for that reason, I celebrate!!

Sweetness & stones

I haven't shared much publicly lately but I shared with my group last night.....some of this has got to come out!! "If they kept quiet, the stones along the road would burst into cheers!"  Sometimes I feel like bursting:-)
Oh the joy of seeing Gandalf again(the movie one)!  In  the Hobbit we don't get to see Sam or Legolas but I  do in my real life!  For Christmas my Sam gave me "Jesus Today" by Sarah Young and my  Legolas gave me "Jesus calling" by Sarah Young.  Celia the Great (not a character from Lord of the Rings but my own life) gave me "My Utmost for His Highest" almost 14 years ago now and Sam and Legolas both know that I read and am challenged much by it but often contemplate taking a break from it.  The morning of  January 1st as I got ready for my morning reading I considered not commiting to another year of My Utmost- it can be a tough book- but I took out my pen and on the first page where I write down the year I penned "2013".  So here I go into 2013 with Jesus Today, Jesus Calling, My Utmost, Breaking Free Day by Day (by Beth moore given to me by Victoria years ago), Spirit Blessings, and my precious Bible!  I just giggled to myself because I used the word "precious"!!  If you aren't a Lord of the Rings fan then some of this may not make any sense but then again even if you are a fan it may make no sense to you? 
"Keep communicating with me about your situation and be willing to WAIT without PUSHING for immediate resolution.  Those who wait for the Lord will gain new strength" Jesus Today.  I read this last week.  Last week, I tried to PUSH for immediate resolution... I pushed before I read now I'm WAITING and communicating.  I guess I was pushing so much last week because I wasn't working as much and my heart is growing and needs to move where the roots have room to grow and where there is an abundance of sun and water(symbolism).   I am still selling shoes at Cabela's and now I am back at Great Harvest again selling bread I am proud of.  The last time I posted on here I was just beggining training at Cabela's, almost a year ago.  This is not exactly what I had in mind when I went back to school over 3 years ago now to get a degree and a license.  I have continued to go down the pay scale each year not up!   At first I was grateful for the extra time off last week as the boys were out of school and they need their momma(or some kind of referree around).  I saw it as a blessing, a much needed break from the crazy, crazy retail world.  It has been a long month and a half of Christmas music, if thats what they called it and non-stop shoppers.  I didn't realize people shopped all the time!  But then I remembered money and some reality hit!  Trust God I said to myself, you'll be fine, you always are taken care of.  So Saturday Owen and I met with my Gandalf(not the movie one) and his wife, yes he is married (in real life not in the movie).  When Owen and I returned there was an envelope waiting for me with $420 in cash!!!! WOW! Catches me by surprise every time I get money from a "friend".  This Christmas season the boys and I were given money by two different "friends".  I wouldn't be able to live with out my "friends" giving me money at many different times through these last years.  I make $8 an hour selling shoes.  Like I said, not my plan but that is what it is.  I have interviewed and applied for jobs.  I strongly believe that God placed me in the shoe department at Cabela's for a reason.  I won't share the details but they are pretty convincing.  Now it is January and things in the retail and food world slow way down.  Today I am typing this because Tim at Great Harvest didn't need me to work today.  And again tomorrow I will be off from Cabela's as I am down to about 1 to 2 days a week now.  So I find myself asking what do I need to  do Lord? 
" Come to me with positive expectations, knowing that there is no limit to what I can accomplish.   Ask My Spirit to control your mind, so that you can think great thoughts of Me.  Do not be discouraged by the fact that many of your prayers are yet unanswered.  Time is a trainer, teaching you to WAIT upon me, to trust me Me in the dark.  The more extreme your circumstances, the more likely you are to see My Power and Glory at work in your situation.....Keep your eyes and your mind wide open to all that I am doing in your life."  Jesus Calling January 6.  Well, I am praying my circumstances don't get too extreme as there are other things happening in my life that I won't disclose but I have been through extreme and don't really want to do it again!  God has always told  me that if I do my part, He will do His part.  He is faithful.  He is trustworthy.  And He never, ever leaves me so I trust Him.  Meanwhile I pray, look for jobs, talk to people,prepare and  pray some more!  "Eyes wide open" is a new favorite song of mine- the link is on my facebook.  It has Mac from Third Day and Jars of Clay singer- 2 of my favorites.  It is a sweet and challenging song!  I am praying that my eyes would be open and I will not be silent but speak to all who will  listen about how SWEET Jesus is to me!!  LOVE is kind and daring!!  Scary but sweet....LOVE!!