Farm fresh family

These beautiful, brown, cage free, farm fresh, hand pencil dated eggs are amazing!(I'm gonna try and post the picture, Im not very techie so we will see)  Catherine, my co-worker and sister (from another mother as she always says) gave these to me.  A man gave them to her.  Last Monday at work at Great Harvest, a man walked in with 2 containers of eggs and a brown bag full of meat from from Stroots.  I assume it is really good meat.  Not from one of those crazy cow farms.  The boys and I got the documentary, Food, Inc. last Saturday  from the library.  WOW WEE!!  That is eye opening.  It shows the practices of big business and what that really looks like. It honestly makes me want to never, ever spend another dollar on fast food or "cheap" stuff.  We as the consumer have all the power but we don't exercise it and we are letting the government control the quality or lack of quality of our food.  I could go on and on but I have been thinking and struggling through some thoughts I have been having about compromise and living out my beliefs and being a part of the solution.  All kinds of thoughts.  In the film they show the chicken houses and the farmers.  The millions of chickens.  The dead chickens! The thousands of workers standing there day after day marking and hanging chickens.  But this is not what I want to focus on.  There is a lot of reliable information out there and I am no reporter, I am not even a "writer".  I am trying to express my heart and share what Jesus is doing in this heart of mine. So this leads to the next movie I watched,
 Gandhi.  I had never watched the movie and really knew very little about his life.  I thought I knew more than I actually did about Muslims and the country of India and Pakistan.  Gandhi started a community called the Phoenix settlement.  It showed a bit about this communal living situation in the movie.  I can't help but wonder where he got the name??  In this community they were given 3 acres of land to live off of.  They grew their own food, raised their animals and it seems as if they made their own clothes from scratch.  In the movie they would show him spinning cloth often.  They were completely self sustaining.  I admit I dream about that!! "This should be your ambition: to live a quiet life, minding your own business and working with your hands, just as we commanded you before.  As a result, people who are not Christians will respect the way you live, and you will not need to depend on others to meet your financial needs." 1 Thessalonians 4:11-12.  I bet I have spent hours upon hours meditating and thinking about this verse.  When I garden in the shire, I pray this and think on it.  I have had the privilege of seeing results from this...from seeing it produce fruit.  My neighbors have watched me work and have hopefully seen how God provides.  One neighbor got to see a new sewer line be put into the shire and hear how the money was provided by my church.   Another  verse that comes to mind when it comes to Gandhi's life story is James 3:17 "But the wisdom that comes from heaven is first of all pure.  It is also peace loving, gentle at all times, and willing to yield to others. It is full of mercy and good deeds." Also James 1:14 "Temptation comes from the lure of our own evil desire."  In the movie they touched on Gandhi's efforts of dealing with temptation.  He abstained from sex with his own wife because he thought it would lead to other fleshly desires.  He also was a strict vegetarian and fasted often.  In my opinion, he was too strict  but he didn't want any "splits" and wanted to be whole hearted!  Which leads me to my point.  I do NOT want to be half-hearted, luke warm, indecisive, uncommitted, split, conflicted or double minded about anything.  I believe in Jesus!  I want to follow Him!  I trust Him!  I love Him!  If that means I need to cleanse my body of toxins and rid my life of chemicals, then I want to do it.  I know that may sound silly but it really isn't.  Sometimes I think it's too "strict" like I thought of Gandhi's life.  There isn't enough time or the words to explain my thought processes.  But I believe God speaks to us and I have been listening.  I will continue to listen and be still and in the mean time I am gonna wash my hair with apple cider vinegar and stop using suave:-)
As I am writing this I am also cooking dinner.  I am cooking rice that Catherine gave me.  Pork chops Catherine gave me(she doesn't eat pork, and I didn't either a few years ago but now I do).  Is that being indecisive, I don't know yet? I don't want to "waver in everything I do".  Again in James 1:5-8 "If you need wisdom- if you want to know what God wants you to do- ASK HIM, be SURE that you really expect Him to answer, for a doubtful mind is as unsettled as a wave of the sea that is driven and tossed by the wind.  People like that should not expect to receive anything from the Lord.  They can't make up their minds.  They waver back and forth in everything they do."  I need wisdom!  I have asked!  I expect!  I do not want to waver in everything.   Also as I write this entry I am preparing to move.  The boys and I have been here in the shire for almost 3 1/2 years now. Listening has led me to leaving the shire.  I am overwhelmed with emotion and thoughts right now so I will stop here.  James 4:13-15 says "Look here, you people who say, "today or tomorrow we are going to a certain town and will stay there a year.....How do you know what will happen tomorrow?  For your life is like the morning fog- it's here a little while, then it's gone.  What you ought to say is, "if the Lord wants us to, we will live and do this or that." So if the Lord wants me to, we will move to Lawrence and do this or that. Expecting wisdom and look forward to sharing with you my friends!!

Redemption & recovery

Sunday at West Ridge Community Church, I had the opportunity to speak a bit about freedom, addiction, hurt and joy with my pastor, Dave Mitchell.  Along with preparing to speak in public comes alot of time for reflection, prayer, preparation and anxiety for me.  It is a huge responsibilty to speak words in public.  To think that people are listening closely to what you are saying and to realize your words can positively or negatively have an impact on their views on addiction, sin, recovery and even Jesus.  So I always prepare with fasting...helps "sober" me up and gets me focused.  After speaking I always come out with a personal lesson learned and growth!!
Shawshank Redemption is a great movie!  I can remember watching it a few years ago and loving it.  But I didn't seem to remember much except  he was in prison but he was innocent and that he dragged himself through alot of really yucky stuff to escape and find his freedom.  Before Christmas when I was looking for presents for the boys I saw the movie on sale for $4.  I bought it for myself and bought Owen a $4 copy of "Blind Side"(that was a good movie, too).  So Saturday night, the eve of my speaking in front of people, some people I was with were talking about the movie Shawshank Redemption.  I believe Gandalf was the one who said that it was on tv and he had watched it.  I wasn't even a part of the conversation but later on my drive home I began thinking about the movie.  And it just clicked!  Andy (the main character) never accepted the fact that he was going to live all of his days in prison.  He never gave up hope!  He knew there was more to life than what was behind the bars.  He had seen and experienced good and I'm sure he questioned how he ended up there and why!Andy carefully thought about how to escape and he used a small tool over the coarse of years to dig his way to freedom.  I honestly didn't think about the analogy too much and really didn't really any details of the movie- it had been years.  Well, I used the analogy Sunday, about how he knew he should be free and he found a way with his tool to escape captivity into freedom.  I wasn't even positive I was gonna say it and I never really know what will come out of my mouth but it came out at the end. 
Yesterday, Monday I was at home alone and decided to watch the movie.  WOW wee....I could break that movie down into lots of symbolic representations.  Like the scene where Andy refers to music keeping him going while in the hole for a whole month.  He said music was in his heart and head....to bad it wasn't a Christian movie and He could have explained to his fellow prisoners about the hope that lies within.  He could have said He had Jesus to keep him company and keep him sane while spending a month alone in a tiny dark room in what looked like a completely hopeless situation.  And about how he had to crawl through 500 feet of other peoples "crap" to get to freedom!  I HATE the word "crap" , hate it but I felt it appropriate there- poop didn't seem to carry the same weight and I considered dung but thought people would relate more to the word "crap".  I won't even let my boys say it and to be honest I don't get why other people say it but whatever:-)   God didn't show up and break him out of prison.  Andy had to spend years and years of his life behind bars.  Maybe if Jesus had shown up in the flesh and released him from prison it may have been a Christian movie but that isn't what happened.  What happened(and I think it is based off of a true story) is he asked for help.  He asked for help in getting a tool he could use.  He used his mind, which God had given him and he went to work.  He did his part and God did His.  There was thunder which provided the noise needed to disguise the sound of him smashing the sewer pipe.  He gave him favor with the guards.  There were more examples and I could go on but it is just representative of what God is currently doing in my life.    He is doing His part!!  I have been digging and working and planning.  He is opening my eyes and at the same time opening my heart! He is in control of the weather and the wind.   He has me in a season of waiting and watching.  Preparing and sowing!  Loving and leading!  If you are reading this, please pray that I will be faithful, hopeful, and full of wisdom and joy!! My reason for all this was to show that we are FREE in Christ!  FREE from addiction, anger, unforgiveness, anxiety, SIN!  We are free by His blood.  We are called to live in that freedom. But the sad part is some of us don't know that and some don't know how to find that free dom.  I said Sunday  that it is work and I want to emphasize that.  Yes, I believe God can instantly take things from us, anger, compulsions, habits and character defects.  I believe that He chooses to do that for some while for others He gives us tools or maybe just a fellow inmate that can get us a tool.  I can't explain His ways...there are not mine.  But I know He is the absolute only hope for real freedom and that Jesus came to set the prisoners free!! And for that reason, I celebrate!!

Sweetness & stones

I haven't shared much publicly lately but I shared with my group last night.....some of this has got to come out!! "If they kept quiet, the stones along the road would burst into cheers!"  Sometimes I feel like bursting:-)
Oh the joy of seeing Gandalf again(the movie one)!  In  the Hobbit we don't get to see Sam or Legolas but I  do in my real life!  For Christmas my Sam gave me "Jesus Today" by Sarah Young and my  Legolas gave me "Jesus calling" by Sarah Young.  Celia the Great (not a character from Lord of the Rings but my own life) gave me "My Utmost for His Highest" almost 14 years ago now and Sam and Legolas both know that I read and am challenged much by it but often contemplate taking a break from it.  The morning of  January 1st as I got ready for my morning reading I considered not commiting to another year of My Utmost- it can be a tough book- but I took out my pen and on the first page where I write down the year I penned "2013".  So here I go into 2013 with Jesus Today, Jesus Calling, My Utmost, Breaking Free Day by Day (by Beth moore given to me by Victoria years ago), Spirit Blessings, and my precious Bible!  I just giggled to myself because I used the word "precious"!!  If you aren't a Lord of the Rings fan then some of this may not make any sense but then again even if you are a fan it may make no sense to you? 
"Keep communicating with me about your situation and be willing to WAIT without PUSHING for immediate resolution.  Those who wait for the Lord will gain new strength" Jesus Today.  I read this last week.  Last week, I tried to PUSH for immediate resolution... I pushed before I read now I'm WAITING and communicating.  I guess I was pushing so much last week because I wasn't working as much and my heart is growing and needs to move where the roots have room to grow and where there is an abundance of sun and water(symbolism).   I am still selling shoes at Cabela's and now I am back at Great Harvest again selling bread I am proud of.  The last time I posted on here I was just beggining training at Cabela's, almost a year ago.  This is not exactly what I had in mind when I went back to school over 3 years ago now to get a degree and a license.  I have continued to go down the pay scale each year not up!   At first I was grateful for the extra time off last week as the boys were out of school and they need their momma(or some kind of referree around).  I saw it as a blessing, a much needed break from the crazy, crazy retail world.  It has been a long month and a half of Christmas music, if thats what they called it and non-stop shoppers.  I didn't realize people shopped all the time!  But then I remembered money and some reality hit!  Trust God I said to myself, you'll be fine, you always are taken care of.  So Saturday Owen and I met with my Gandalf(not the movie one) and his wife, yes he is married (in real life not in the movie).  When Owen and I returned there was an envelope waiting for me with $420 in cash!!!! WOW! Catches me by surprise every time I get money from a "friend".  This Christmas season the boys and I were given money by two different "friends".  I wouldn't be able to live with out my "friends" giving me money at many different times through these last years.  I make $8 an hour selling shoes.  Like I said, not my plan but that is what it is.  I have interviewed and applied for jobs.  I strongly believe that God placed me in the shoe department at Cabela's for a reason.  I won't share the details but they are pretty convincing.  Now it is January and things in the retail and food world slow way down.  Today I am typing this because Tim at Great Harvest didn't need me to work today.  And again tomorrow I will be off from Cabela's as I am down to about 1 to 2 days a week now.  So I find myself asking what do I need to  do Lord? 
" Come to me with positive expectations, knowing that there is no limit to what I can accomplish.   Ask My Spirit to control your mind, so that you can think great thoughts of Me.  Do not be discouraged by the fact that many of your prayers are yet unanswered.  Time is a trainer, teaching you to WAIT upon me, to trust me Me in the dark.  The more extreme your circumstances, the more likely you are to see My Power and Glory at work in your situation.....Keep your eyes and your mind wide open to all that I am doing in your life."  Jesus Calling January 6.  Well, I am praying my circumstances don't get too extreme as there are other things happening in my life that I won't disclose but I have been through extreme and don't really want to do it again!  God has always told  me that if I do my part, He will do His part.  He is faithful.  He is trustworthy.  And He never, ever leaves me so I trust Him.  Meanwhile I pray, look for jobs, talk to people,prepare and  pray some more!  "Eyes wide open" is a new favorite song of mine- the link is on my facebook.  It has Mac from Third Day and Jars of Clay singer- 2 of my favorites.  It is a sweet and challenging song!  I am praying that my eyes would be open and I will not be silent but speak to all who will  listen about how SWEET Jesus is to me!!  LOVE is kind and daring!!  Scary but sweet....LOVE!!

HIS delite!

It is the third day of February today.  Yesterday I went to Aldi to spend part of the allotted $100 food budget money.  I spent about $47 and in that purchase were MANY avocados!  They were .29 cents!!  That is unbelievable.  Today I took my friend to the store (Dillons) and there I saw their advertised avocado price of $1 each.  WOW is all I can say!  No wonder I don't shop at Dillons anymore!  Although, while my friend did her shopping I looked around and came up with some bargains I could not pass up.  I bought some live lettuce on clearance for $1.  I also got some fresh corn on clearance for .99 cents and I splurged and got 10 boxes of Mother's Naturals boxed cereal for .99 cents each.  I really debated over the last purchase because all my readings AND Willy Wonka say boxed cereal is BAD and way too expensive but it is "Mother's Naturals" and it was only .99 cents a box and my boys LOVE cereal!! So far, for the month I have spent $67 and feel pretty set.  Yesterday I made homemade granola bars in my dehydrator, dried lots of cranberries and apples.  One of my lesser goals of this $100 budget is to get rid of all processed foods in our home and to eat almost all things made from scratch or raw. My boys are doing great with this transition and are eating better than ever!  We still have processed foods and probably always will but the majority of stuff is my goal. 
In the picture is a huge bag of basmati rice that my co-worker gave me.  It is about 10 pounds!  She had bought a big bag at Sam's and offered to give me the other half.  I went to go pick up the rice after I dropped off my friend at her house today.  While I was at my friends house I saw 2 green glass jars with tight sealing lids on them.  My friend is getting rid of almost all her stuff because she has to move....anyway I thought to myself I could use those jars ("You know my every thought when far away" Psalm 139:2)  but then thought I don't "need" anything & maybe she can sell them along with the other things.  Then my friend walked into the room, went straight to the jars and said, "could you use these jars?  I thought you could use them and might like them?"  I smiled and said, "you know I could use those jars!".  A great reminder to me that God delites in me!  He is involved in every detail down to the very container I store my rice in.   He delites to fill my "needs", He delites in ME!! Psalm 147:11 says, "The Lord delights in those who fear him, who put their hope in HIS unfailing LOVE."  I choose to spell delight delite because the basmati rice bag is from the brand Nature's Delite and when I saw that I immediatly thought about how He is delited with me. He knows what I "need" or "want", "the Lord is my shepherd; I have everything I need" Psalm 23:1.  That always gives me great comfort, He knows!!  He has His eye on me...."I will advise you and watch over you" Psalm 32:8 and 1 Peter 5:7 "Let Him have all your worries and cares, for He is always thinking about you and watching everything that concerns you.", I  plan to buy peanut butter and oats next from Great Harvest as peanut butter is super duper expensive!
 I start work tomorrow at Cabela's.  A little nervous about being stuck in a retail store with the general public for 8 hours + straight but the thought of being surrounded by big,live, swimming fish and giant, dead, stuffed animals comforts me!! My plan is to keep working at Great Harvest as well.  That has been a huge blessing for me and the boys!! 
I didn't get to post this yesterday- ran out of time!  So now today is day 4 of the month and today was my first day at Cabela's.  We aren't in the store yet but train at another location. We get to go work there and see the inside for the first time next Saturday.  Can't wait as it is gonna be an AMAZING store!   I have to train all week for them at another location and work at the bakery some as well so things are gonna get crazy around here!  The good news is I get fire arms training:-)  FUN!!   More good news is that at the end of the day I commented to my group that I just wanted a sticker!  I love stickers and always have.  Then they gave us a special edition Cabebela's wichita opening team hat and a sticker!! FUN!! A man made the comment today that working at Cabela's is like working outside inside.  Good way of looking at it.  I am gonna get to hear adventure stories and help people enjoy and celebrate their lives in the great outdoors.  Again FUN!  People come to Cabela's to help them enjoy the best parts of life.  Everyone needs a good pair of hiking shoes or the perfect tent to sleep under the stars!  I am looking forward to taking the boys when we get to have a private shopping experience before it opens.  They are gonna think their momma works at the greatest place on earth!!  They already think I am great for making the world's best cinnamon rolls!

Need to make a retraction-  It is "mom's Best Natural's" not Mother's Natural's!  Naaman and I were just discussing the cereal as he was eating it.  Want to mention that it is made with real honey, brown sugar syrup, whole grain oat flour and no artificial preservatives.  Wonder what Willy Wonka would think of this brand?  I told Naaman it was onlt .99 cents a box and he asked how many I bought.  I said eight!!  Sweet Naaman's reply was, " I love you, Mom!".  So glad there is laughter,joy and LOVE in my house!!

1958

My friend and I drove this 1958 Ford pickup to Halstead, the biggest little city of Kansas and boy did it look little coming from the BIG city.  It was an adventure as it has no power steering but sure makes lots of noises.  So grateful to have an extra set of eyes with me as it only goes 50.  We went there to get my freezer from my old store, now Kaleo Cafe & Bakery.  Kaleo looks fabulous!  It looks like Loulu was never even there except for the little bits of pink paint here and there and a few stickers still on the wall. Almost as if I dreamed up that time in my life. But it was real... people recognized me so it must have been!
This week I have been discovering the joys of dehydration! "There truly is almost no limit to the value of dehydration." a quote from Independence days (a guide to sustainable food storage & preservation) book.  I have learned how to dehydrate uneaten scraps of food like carrots, corn and even meat from my boys' plates.  The idea is to dehydrate and put into a soup jar and reuse for soups and stews.  Love it!!  This week I dehydrated spinach leaves, uneaten pieces of apple and orange peels.  No I am not gonna put the orange peels or apple in my soup jar but I am gonna use them for baking and other things.  There is a recipe for dehydrator apple granola bars in this book that I plan on making.  This book also talks about buying in bulk especially oats, which is something I am working on.  Then I can make ALOT of granola bars.  This book is on loan from my baker friend.  He shared with me the idea of taking some wheat berries and sprouting them so we can have veggies in our diet when we are out of veggie money.  The month is coming to an end and I have to say it has been fun and educational!  I have learned lots of interesting food facts and ideas now to implement them into daily life.  Reminds me of James 1:25 "But if you keep looking steadily into God's perfect law-the law that sets you free-and if you do what it says and don't forget what you heard, then God will bless you for doing it."  DO and not forget. Just gotta make sure what I DO is based on TRUTH.
 I guess I get to go to the store on Wednesday....little overwhelmed thinking about it.  So I am preparing a list now:-) 
This week I have also been working on the second annual "Run for their Lives" race/walk fundraiser for House of Hope Wichita.  This year, as long as I get approved at the city council meeting Tuesday, it will be held at Andover Central Park again but this time on Saturday May 26th from 7 to 10:30.  I am feeling much more prepared to take this on this year and hope to increase our money raised from $8,000 to over $20,000!!  If any readers would like to support me in my attempt to lap the lake many, many times please let me know.  Participants of this race are encouraged to get sponsors for each lap completed with the goal being to run (or walk) for the lives of hurting teens! Next Saturday I start working at Cabela's so I am trying to get as much done now while I have the time.  Gotta get trained on proper hiking, fishing and hunting footwear so I can sell some shoes come March when they open!! His ways are definitely not my ways but I am standing on the fact that God has a plan and last night I got a glimpse of it.  If someone would have told me a year ago that I would be selling shoes at a non-existent Cabela's, making cinnamon rolls and leading a non-existent CR group I would have thought them crazy!!  But I trust He has a plan because He say so.."For I know the plans I have for you," Declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11.

tricycles & piggy tails!

Today I am closing a door from the past.  A door that has been ajar slightly for over two years now and it has cost me way to much!!  Today I get to close my credit card account for Loulu's in the Valley!  I will spare you all the details but closing this means I no longer have to pay fees and I finally get to close my business bank account!  Crossing this off my list brings me great relief.  Last night I went to bed mediating on Psalms 73:28 "But as for me, I get as close to Him as I can!  I have chosen Him and I will tell everyone about the wonderful ways He rescues me."  As I was on hold with the credit card company I was asking God to "rescue" me from this burden.  Contracts and business dealings get complicated quickly but He granted me favor by allowing me to close this account early and be done with it. So this is a huge praise for yet another way God rescued me! 

Loulu's in the Valley's, my shop in Halstead, logo was drawn by one of my favorite artists, Mary Lee.  It is of an old tricycle and a woman(me) pedaling it while wearing a knitted hat and flip flops.  Symbolism is something that my mind seems to automatically figure out.  I am a visual person and understand things better when I can put a picture to it.  The tricycle symbolizes childlike faith to me.  I used to see images of a little girl(me again) riding a tricycle through the valley and over the hills.  Tricycles are supported on both sides.  To me the little wheels represent your support system in life...friends, church,support groups, etc.  My mentor and friend has told me many times just to pedal and let God change the gears.  So I got to thinking, tricycles don't have gears.  Tricycles are actually pretty hard to ride for long distances and they are really hard to ride when your a grown up!! You can't switch into an easier gear to go up the hill or a harder gear when going down.  So if I am pedaling and "let" God change the gears then the ride gets easier.  But if I'm riding a tricycle then God can't change the gears because there are none.  I have been pedaling & pedaling & pedaling my tricycle the last 6 months in a desert not in a valley.  My piggy tails have not been blowing in the wind cause I haven't been going down any hills or mountains.  Deserts are flat which can be good cause I don't have to pedal up hill but they can also be sandy.  I've never ridden a bike in sand but I have walked in it and it can get hard to move forward fast.  Boy I could break this down into lots of different aspects of symbolism but I think I'll lose my point.  The point is bikes can be modified.  I know this for a fact because I own a mountain bike that I purchased in Colorado 1994.  It was used as a rental bike...it has been around the block and up some mountains, even more symbolism in that  My bike is not what it was in 1994.  It was black but now it is pink.  It didn't have shocks on it but now it does.  My bike used to have an uncomfortable seat now it is nice and cushioned.  My bike has been modified so I can ride longer distance and with greater ease.  All this said but my bike has a flat tire right now and is unridable!  I can do lots of things but I can never seem to fix flat tires!  So my tricycle is mental, symbolic.  It isn't real but imagined.  I can picture it with gears if I want to!  I can "let go and let God" change the gears on my tricycle but I must keep pedaling.
When I was pedaling my trike as Loulu it was different!  My wheels were spinning and I was going up and down hills and mountains.  One moment exhausted and another screaming with delight with my hands up in there giggling.  Lilylu pedaling produces a different image for me.  I am determined and I am not going up and down but I am pedaling through the sand and going straight!!!  No longer wearing flip flops but mud boots!  More will be revealed and I am excited to start sharing where God is leading me.  "Forget all that- it is nothing compared to what I'm going to do!  For I'm going to do a brand new thing.  See, I have already begun!  Don't you see it?  I will make a road through the wilderness of the world for my people to go home, and create rivers for them in the desert!" Isaiah 43:18  But not yet-back to today, now!

The date today is the 12th of the month!  I have spent my $100 on groceries for the month.  I am feeling the challenge and actually loving it!  My boys are in on this and think it is fun.  It is teaching them value and gratitude!  By the end of this month I should have my freezer from Loulu's plugged in and ready to stock.  Pumpkin bread and soups have been cooking in my kitchen.  My son is catching on and has started saving his trail mix bags from Aldi so I can refill them with my homemade trail mix. Reduce, reuse, recycle- a song they learned!  Earlier I grabbed a reference book off my bookshelf.  As I was browsing through it for an answer to a nagging question, I found a dollar bill.  I laughed out loud!!  I have found a five dollar bill in my garden, a one dollar bill in a book and a man at Aldi gave me a buggy so that's a free quarter!  God has given me $6.25 which I have decided will be used for any other future food purchases this month.  The thing that tickles me is that I get to share this with my children.  They will hear of how our Father in heaven provides, cares and loves us!  "How we thank you, Lord!  Your mighty miracles give proof that you care." Psalms 75:1 TLB.  I just got home from Nana's where I got 3 HUGE bags of free dog food for Levi and a free box of cuties(oranges) and a big can of pumpkin.  God not only sends money from heaven but He uses lots of people to bless me as well!!

Celia The Great!

I can't imagine my life without a few key characters!  God has blessed me with a few, select heart buddies!  Pulling out the Lord of the Rings symbolism, I have a Sam!!  Not everyone has a "Sam" in their life but it seems that everyone needs one.  Sam is a faithful & true friend.  He watches where you step when you are climbing to the top.  He speaks truth when no one else will or can.  Sam goes with you where ever and cries when he "can't go where I can't follow"!  Thinking of that scene and line in the movie makes me want to cry!! Not only do I have a Sam but I have a Legolas, Gandolf, Merry, Pippin and many others.  For the last few months I have been trying to identify more with other characters than with Frodo....but for now the Frodo analogy is helping make my point!  I am not a professional writer, professional anything really!  So grace is much needed and appreciated when reading my blog.  I misspell, (soo funny, I just spell checked and I mispelled misspell!2 s's not 1 I guess), I use incorrect grammar and have also been known to change subjects at anytime- sometimes I do that intentionally and with purpose to get the attention off of me and sometimes I do it because my head starts to spin and completing a thought or sentence seems almost impossible!!
OK here comes the point of the title- "Celia the Great".  Celia has been a constant, stable and Godly woman in my life for 17 years now.  In May of 1998 she gave me my first copy of "My Utmost for His Highest" by Oswald Chambers.  When I first tried to read this book I thought very little of it.  To be honest, it went way over my head.  It ended on my book shelf and sat for years and years......8 to be exact!  It was in 2006, when the bottom was falling out in my life and I was desperately searching for wisdom, answers and help by searching my books (including my Bible) that I returned to my dusty bookshelf.  The bookshelf wasn't as dusty as you might imagine because by then I had moved 5 times but this book always made it into a box!! So today, January 4, 2012 I woke to read my now 4 morning books.  I underline and mark different parts each day of each year as I feel led.  I do this with my Bibles as well.  I highly recommend it because it is a great way to journal without journaling.  Sometimes when I am reading I will see how I marked a certain verse with a certain date and quickly my mind will reflect back to that time in my life and not only can I usually recall external things but internal as well. Here is an excerpt from today's reading...."There are times when you can't understand why you cannot do what you want to do.  When God brings a time of waiting, and appears to be unresponsive, don't fill it with busyness, just WAIT.  The time of waiting may come to teach you the meaning of sanctification- to be set apart from sin and made holy- or it may come after the process of sanctification has begun to teach you what service means.  Never run before God gives you His direction.  If you have the slightest doubt, then He is not guiding.  Whenever there is doubt- wait."  Someone asked me last week if I had heard from Cabella's.  I interviewed for a job there about a month ago as they are opening a new store here in spring.  No, I haven't heard from them and yes, I could call them and check in but I have doubt.  Is that where I should work?  Is that where I want to work?  Why aren't they and all the other jobs I applied for, calling me?  Why???  I don't know... I have doubt so I will wait.  That was my answer to the second question they asked.  "What is God saying to you?"  With all the wonders that verbal processing provides... I said "to wait!!!".  I'm not a waiter, but a doer!! Yet this is a season of waiting for me.  I now know that but 3 months ago that was not so obvious to me.  I was confused, hurt and sometimes even bitter that jobs, relationships, & LIFE were not working out at all! There were times when there was absolutly nothing to "do" but wait & pray.  Those two go hand and hand!
This is getting really long and I still have so much to process:-)  Another selfish reason I am blogging other than to process is for prayer.  I have some wonderfully faithful women of prayer in my life.  Women that I know have been consistently praying for me for years and years.  There is tremendous power in prayer and indeed the prayer of a righteous man(or woman) is powerful and effective, referring to James 5:16.  Women that I know are reading this and therefore have more insight into how to be praying for me and for my boys! I need all the prayer I can get!! So back to Celia... love her!  She is a prayer warrior!  She is my friend.  She is a gift from God.  She is a blessing.  She has influenced my life and walk with Jesus in unspeakable ways.  Celia the Great has provided a much needed place to rest and recharge in the beautiful mountains of Colorado!!  Celia has been an agent of change in my life by giving me this wonderful book.  Celia took the time to write in and date this book when she gave it to me, May 29,1998 saying "This book has meant alot to me through the years, bringing me ever closer to Jesus.  I hope it blesses you. Love, Celia"  I LOVE you Celia!!  Thank you for caring for me and the wellfare of my soul!  Thank you for being a faithful follower of Jesus!!!
Last week, a friend sent me an email and signed it, "trying not to be to insane"!  I LOVED that!  I thought I was the only one who signed off on letters (emails now a days) by some personal senitment of where I was spiritually or personally.  Like "in the valley" or "in the desert"- that's how I used to end emails but stopped doing that cause sometimes I, like he said, try not to be too insane!  But 2 Corinthians 5:13 reminds me that others may think I am crazy or insane but my purpose is to bring glory to God so sometimes what others think is of no importance!! Last week at CR, Celebrate Recovery, I led on the topic of sanity/insanity so I have been thinking and feeling much on this topic for weeks!  More on this subject some other time.... I am off to meet a new friend for lunch!!  Thanks for listening (reading) & praying, if you so choose!  I haven't spoken with anyone today except my boys and Jesus and life is really not LIFE without relationships, LOVE and community!!
I just remembered that I forgot to add the very insighful observation my 12 year old, whom my dr. just told me yesterday was statisically the tallest 12 year old boy (he is 5'8 now-I think grew 2 inches in 2 months)!  Evan "River" said we are all Frodo!  We are all the main character in our own lives but that doesn't mean we don't play a supporting role in the lives of others.  I have a "Sam" but that doesn't mean I can't be a Sam or Legolas in someone else's movie of a life!  That thought encouraged me to really think outside myself.  This life isn't all about me!!  And I don't really live in the shire but sometimes I can pretend!!